Come As You Are.

And so, the Palisades beckoned … I was driven to the edge of my reality and knowledge - into the unknown mist - free-falling like a waterfall into the charnel valley below. * The welling began as I looked at the two women in front of me. Rupert was in the last seat to the left, my friend Susanne in the middle and me on the end.

I gazed up at them earnestly searching for their glance but they were (just as earnestly) seeking to be included in Rupert’s conversation at the end of the table.

Feeling ignored, thoughts of irritation arrived, “Hello!? I’m right in front of you, why don’t you talk to me?” But, the thought that they were missing out on something better was too strong. As long as it reflected my own fear of missing out there was nothing I could say or do that could change this experience.

I noticed this reality and took in a deep breath - the kind that starts at my feet and expands around me like a parrotfish about to dream - but the welling was compelled - had transformed into a dense, red hot in my throat -- stories from the past flooding fervently, “You’re not enough!”

In the past, I might have excused myself from the table, but these days of stillness in meditation in contrast to the 'shuttling' motion of my commute between memories of my mother and Garrison primed me to notice the tension between the membrane and the emotion that was leaning in.

Rupert's morning meditation rose beyond any seating arrangement or acoustic figure-ground, "take the attention that you are directing outwards toward the object of belief and turn it in towards awareness."

And so, I did!

I surrendered to the idea that there was something to defend - something to prove - and shifted the attention that was shining so intently on this past story - the spotlight of attention that was confirming -- turned it towards awareness.

And in an instant, I awakened, as if from a dream - Being Aware of Being Aware ...

... these eyes saw the food on the plate - brightly colored red peppers, voluminous, white mozzarella on a leavened bun, with round, robust brussel sprouts - and these ears received every voice in symphony, and this mouth spoke the words that transformed loneliness into mercy.

At that very moment, both ladies turned as if seeing me for the first time, and asked, "what do you do?" I told them and when I did, they both noted that there was an aura around me that confirmed who I am, mercy.

It was true!

Without this limiting belief blocking my light, I was vibing my (this ‘I’ frequency through ‘me’ resonance) true essence - spaciousness, love - allowing all emotions to arrive so that I could hold them, show them, “you are OK, you are whole.”

And we began to speak, but the desire to be connected to the conversation across from them consumed their attention - something about Rupert, something about doubt, something about not trusting that God was already here, in front of us.

The gravitational pull of the belief that it was somewhere else was just too strong.

Isn’t this way?

Isn’t this what’s happening when we believe, “I’m not enough” - that somehow God is shining somewhere else, on someone else -- not on me!? It's confirmed because we choose to have this thought lead us rather than have "God [Love] direct us toward where He would have us go" (ACIM).

Was it true? Am I unworthy?

If I shined the very same light of inquiry out onto my students for revelation - onto what they offered themselves within the space opened to them - it was undeniably false.

Where then did it come from?

This story is an old story – an ancient story – a story that was born with me and a story that I was born to atone – a dark space left near my heart longing for the light - and my soul chose this very moment to show me again how untrue it was.

Then, “Who was denying this truth? Who was doubting? What part of myself was standing in the way?”

This is the investigation. To know the knower, is the first step to understanding Self and the first step toward freedom – the quest for Absolute Truth and the return to Love.

We begin with the descent, as I had done every day for the past week on the Palisades Parkway en route to Garrison Institute. Speeding along the cliffs of the highway of memories and willing to allow them to be reborn.

We begin to understand the world by first understanding that which created it.

This is our task: to be present for the most uncomfortable experiences. It begins not within the ones where our bodies are unsafe, but within the ones that challenge the small ideas of who we think we are – this thought, this suffering that rises from the belief that happiness is not here, not right in front of us, not within our grasp or power.

And it cannot be done within the privacy of our thoughts or isolated from the world.

We need to be out in the world to test it out – to have the experiences that offer us the opportunity to challenge what we believe – to reveal the suffering that is still lingering in the manifold of this finite mind.

However, without an intuitive shift in perspective, without forgiveness, nothing your eyes believe can change.

… reminds me of the song, Dance Away, by Roxi Music – "loneliness is a crowded room,”- all we have to do is open our eyes and we will see that in this belief, we are not alone. What we all see is the "process in [our] mind, which starts with [the] idea of what [we] want.

Here is where we begin, in this thought that seeks light - seeks to be processed, manifested; in this emotion that seeks intimacy; in the misunderstandings and beliefs that have returned for mercy.

No need to do a thing. Come as you are. God is already shining through you.

"There is no one to become. You are already being."
~Rupert Spira

Any limiting thought you tell yourself is false. And, this falsity is projected out into the world and confirmed; this is how beliefs are born. In order to forgive this error, we must bring our emotions near, so close that we become One with them - worthy, holy and free from judgment.

Kiss the toad and be reunited with the emotion that reveals the Direct Path toward who you really are - happiness, peace, Love.

If you are interested in the loving source of awareness and non-dual practice, check out teacher Rupert Spira and his telling of The Princess and the Toad.
Click here for video, forward to minute 15
The Rupert Spira Foundation